Hello, my friends, enemies, and former/present lovers. I understand your surprise that ole Quint hath returned a living organism from his voyage to the Isle of Erin, but I assure you that my charter back to the states did not come without high cost.
When I began this online journal several months ago, I made a pact with myself to remain honest with my readers at all times, even if such honesty meant risking the loss of all respect I have accumulated thus far. Well, it is with great discomfort that I report to you that I may have acquired the AIDS whilst traveling abroad in Ireland.
Yes, it has been said. The AIDS. I can understand if you are disappointed in Ole Quint and I assure you that I will stop at nothing to gain back your trust. Believe me, I realize that you hold your friend Quint to a higher standard than most other human beings, and I strive to meet your expectations. But sometimes it's just so hard! After all, I am only one man!
But before you get all teary eyed and melancholy, allow me to assure you that the symptoms of AIDS are not quite as bad as I expected. Yes, I have been sneezing a lot and my urine smells like peanut brittle that has been left out in the woods long enough to welcome a mossy growth, and yes I threw up after a serious 2 day drinking binge for the first time in 30 years. But on the whole I am still the strong, energetic, barrel-chested sculpture of the gods that I have always been. And might I add that my sideburns still possess a brilliant youthful sheen that drives women completely out of their minds...and knickers! Hargh Hargh Hargh I'll never learn, eh?
Well, I have plenty of things to do today. I plan on doing 4,000 push-ups to spite my newly acquired virus. And then I have to bare-knuckle box Dingy Joe because he stole my favorite belt whilst I was abroad and I can think of no better way of exacting revenge than bleeding the AIDS all over him. A tad harsh perhaps, but I've always been an extremist.
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