Shamus Goldensteinbergbaum

If you've been following my stories of late, you'll know this name well, as Shamus Goldensteinbergbaum has been plaguing the comments section of my website these past few days. Shamus, you see, is my nemesis, and a right trig cully he is! Jewish to the core, Ole Shamus is still burnt up about a fued we had over a delicate transaction that took place between our ships whilst at sea a great many years past. There were some harsh words and blows exchanged, but I will not divulge any of that information in this forum. What happens on the great blue sea, stays on the great blue sea, as they say.

Under the impression that Shamus was dead, I haven't bothered to take any precautions to disguise my whereabouts in an attempt to avoid a ghastly death at the hands of such a ruthless(ly drunk) foe. I now realize my folly. And that, dear friends and faithful readers, is precisely why I will waste no more time in fortifying my most recent abode with the most stalwart of cardboard materials. I defy you to jab a shiv through the walls of my palace! Only I have to ask that you wait a while...I just scored a hety bag of crack. I'm plannin' to cook it up in a few minutes and then I'm gonna sneak on over to Green St. and watch Judge Joe Brown reruns through the window of whatever fool is dumb enough to leave their blinds open in this most murderous of cities.

Shitty pants

I have recently discovered that it is unwise to shit your pants when you are homeless, as you have nothing else to change into, and almost no opportunity to wash.

Pants shitting

I just shit my pants.