To the Motherland...

Yargh! Ole Quint shall be absent for an undisclosed amount of time as he returns to explore his roots on the Isle of Erin. Yes folks, for those of you who did not get the reference, I am travelling to Ireland, a land of romance and mystery, known for its magnificent landscapes and delightful spirits. The trip is scheduled for ten days, but any number of following factors could contribute to my inability to hold to that itinerary:

1) Guinness Brewery
2) Powers Irish Whiskey
3) Harp
4) Murphy's
5) Bushmill's
6) Irish lasses
7) Hard Cider
8) Leperchauns
9) Jameson Distillery
10) Cirrhosis of the liver

Now friends tell me that my quality of life suffers because I spend the majority of my days lounging/wandering around in an alcoholic haze. Well let me just say that ole Quint has the self esteem of a raging bull. That is to say that on most days I graze about calmly and am forced to eat grass for sustenance, but I perk up like a priest's libido during a confirmation ceremony when rednecks jab me in the testicles with hot pokers.

My point is that I am open to any criticism one might be bold enough to offer. It does not bother me that my friends do not appreciate waking up to find me comatose and naked on their kitchen floor. It does not bother me that they throw boiling pots of water at me to wake me up and scream for me to "Get out of my house you horrible man!"

My hide is thick. I can handle attacks on my person! But what really crawls around in my short hairs like a heaping platter of ravenous crotch lice is that these same people have the nerve to spend their weekends running around from winery to winery all because of that horrific movie "Sideways"! Well I am inspired by your silliness and I applaud your impudence, you dirty mother-loving whores!

Argh, now I'm worked up like a Japanese businessman during a karaoke competition. Curse the whole lot o' ya! I'm signing off to run down to the dock and check on the possibility of stowing away on an earlier ship. I assure you that you'll be hearing from me when I return.